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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I roll into work at Le Café de la Gare, right on the main drag, Rue de la Liberté. It’s a cozy spot, but today? It was like a freakin’ circus. First off, I’m behind the bar, mixin’ drinks, and this dude walks in. He’s got a wild look in his eyes, like he just ran a marathon or somethin’. Turns out, he just got off the train from Luxembourg City. He’s all hyped up, talkin’ about some big business deal. I’m like, “Bro, chill. It’s just a drink.” But he orders a whiskey neat, and I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s gonna need more than that.”

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